Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want to make out with him forever
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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