physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
