whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
