did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
