I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
