Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
