Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
BRING THE BAGELS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
