Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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