Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
