I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
