I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
