I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize