The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
