I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
