I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
