she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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