At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
