I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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