Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize