Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
