my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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