So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize