to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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