so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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