i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
