I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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