you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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