I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
