I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
