The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
