I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize