you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
