I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
