We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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