I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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