I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
