I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
