it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
