if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
