My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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