His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
