i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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