It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
