Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
