South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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