If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
