Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
