Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
