it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
