then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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