even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
