so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
