I just saw a hot homeless man
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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