Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
