I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
