goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
