I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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