She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
