How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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