Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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