my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
only you would photoshop your dick
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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