just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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