when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
