I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
