I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
