he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
