Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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