You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
