awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize