Just cropdusted the office
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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