like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ketchup is God's man juice
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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