somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
