I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
