I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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