just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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