I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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