i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
