I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
